So I have something to say...My observations of reality....
Usaid_the_insomniac
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Interests: Riding the subway and bus.
Expertise: Neglecting and procrastinating to the very last possible second.
Occupation: Student


Message: message me
AIM: Usaidhasan
MSN: Usaidhasan


Member Since: 7/27/2004

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

MOST DISTURBING EVENT IN MY LIFE EVENT EVER...

Usaid Hasan (9:22:14 PM): im sleeping on the train...and like 1 station away from my stop
Usaid Hasan (9:23:03 PM): i open my eyes and there is a guy across from me clenching down on his penis real hard...while lookingdirectly at me!
EmeraldKnight86 (9:23:25 PM): AAAAH WTF
EmeraldKnight86 (9:23:26 PM): EEWWWW
Usaid Hasan (9:23:28 PM): so of course i sit up immediatly in my chair...
Usaid Hasan (9:23:43 PM): he freaking sits down near me...
EmeraldKnight86 (9:23:49 PM): AAAHHHHH
EmeraldKnight86 (9:23:56 PM): duuuudeeee!!!
Usaid Hasan (9:24:09 PM): and hes like its ok dude put ur head down and go to sleep
EmeraldKnight86 (9:24:19 PM): you're making this u p!
EmeraldKnight86 (9:24:23 PM): no freaking way !
Usaid Hasan (9:24:31 PM): im thinking in my head..."why so u could keep looking at me"
EmeraldKnight86 (9:24:33 PM): this is grotesque !
Usaid Hasan (9:24:53 PM): but i said no...once im up i cant get back to bed...
Usaid Hasan (9:24:59 PM): and i swear this is all true
Usaid Hasan (9:25:14 PM): im thinking no freaking way am i taking my eye off this guy
Usaid Hasan (9:25:45 PM): so he looks around...and hes like damn i gott pee real bad and i cant find a bathroom...
Usaid Hasan (9:26:03 PM): so im a little relieved...theres a plausible explaination for his penis clnching
Usaid Hasan (9:26:58 PM): so im like..."there are bathrooms in the odd numbered cars"...not 100% sure if thats true but i want him the fuck away from me...
Usaid Hasan (9:27:27 PM): btw...periodically he would again suggest that i put my head down...
Usaid Hasan (9:28:00 PM): and all i did was mumble..."uh ...nu uh"...shaking my head
Usaid Hasan (9:28:14 PM): anyway he starts talkinng to mee...
EmeraldKnight86 (9:28:24 PM): you are very stoic usaid
EmeraldKnight86 (9:28:25 PM): i must say
Usaid Hasan (9:28:28 PM): "u look like my friend...something something..."
Usaid Hasan (9:28:32 PM): i didnt hear the name
Usaid Hasan (9:29:39 PM): anyway...ill skip to th end...cause the rest isnt that interesitng...
EmeraldKnight86 (9:29:44 PM): hahaha
EmeraldKnight86 (9:29:47 PM): sure
Usaid Hasan (9:30:14 PM): its his stop and he gets up...
Usaid Hasan (9:30:20 PM): im like...thank god...
Usaid Hasan (9:33:03 PM): he goes to shake my hand...and like a freaking idiot I shake his hand...
Usaid Hasan (9:33:08 PM): like a min later i think....
Usaid Hasan (9:33:24 PM): OMG did i just shake his pnis clenching hadn!!!
EmeraldKnight86 (9:33:30 PM): EEEEWWW
EmeraldKnight86 (9:33:36 PM): YOU INDIRECTLY TOUCHED HISPEE PEE
Usaid Hasan (9:33:40 PM): OMG....OMG...
Usaid Hasan (9:33:50 PM): i just realized...i didnt wash yet...
Usaid Hasan (9:33:53 PM): brb
EmeraldKnight86 (9:33:59 PM): LOL
EmeraldKnight86 (9:34:00 PM): eeew
Usaid Hasan (9:34:37 PM): ok...so yea...
Usaid Hasan (9:34:46 PM): i am quite disturbed
 
*UPDATE: No his hands were not in his pants...but still...eew...


Friday, February 02, 2007

Xangas are dying...and it's people like me to blame, who don't keep it up and rarely ever give e-props...but oh well I guess I'll go down with the ship...with these few words from my AIM profile...

-I wish my IQ was higher than my average bowling score, I also wish that I didn't suck at bowling.

-Since CO2 dissolves in our blood into bicarbonate...does that mean that I, and in fact all peoples and animals, are nothing more than carbonated beverages in fancy containers?

-MY MOST RETARDED MOMENT EVER!!!-
I was at my friends room and he has really thick frames for his glasses, I wanted to see what I would look like in thick frames, so I put them on, then I looked in the mirror but my reflection wouldn't show, for a second I was like "what the hell? when did I become a vampire?" Although it was only a second, that is still a second too long for a person to realize that they can't see thier reflection on a mirror thats on TV.

 


Thursday, December 14, 2006

Profile Banter...Re-Revisted

(Hey look I'm updating within 6 months of my last post...how can this be u ask...well I'll tell...I'm going through some serious facebook withdrawl and I really need some kind of fix man.....) (I'm also violating my own unwritten rules by putting this on xanga while its still fresh in my AIM profile...but I dont care...and I'm willing to guess that neither do u...wilson...honestly who the hell else reads this shit...thanks again buddy for your attention....)

 

My friend: How long have you wanted to be a doctor?
Me: Since I was a little kid.
My friend: really?
Me: Yea, ever since I administered my first vacination.
My friend: eh?
Me: I gave my friend a cootie shot...

So I had 2 Term papers due this week...*flash back to me at the begining of the semester*- "Dammit this time I'll do it right...I'll start 2 weeks early and work on it a little bit everyday"...but of course what actually happened is what happens every semester since junior high...I procrastinated till the last day and pulled an allnighter...God I hate papers...more so than other ppl...oh you think you hate them more? Well have you ever had a nightmare where you went to school and found out you were an English major? If not then don't bother debating who hates papers more w/ me...if you have had that dream then let me know...we can start a support group for each other...

I had a pack of Listerine Pocket Packs, but I left it in my pants right before I washed them, they were surely lost...but I can take solace in the knowledge that my left jean pocket will be 99.99% free of bacteria that would give it bad breath...

Remember when my profile information was funny?...Niether do I...<----(I think I've said this before...well I guess it's official...I've run out of interesting and orginal things to say...)


Thursday, December 07, 2006

Profile Banter Revisited...

(Yea I know that these are probably not that funny but I'm bored...I deactivated facebook!!!! so of course I return to xanag to waste time)...

 

-You know when people act shy i either think its really cute and endearing or I wanna smack them upside the head...so if your a shy person...try your luck...it might just be your lucky day...(but dont forget to duck)

-facebook and myspace...they're a stalkers best friend...not that I would have anything to do with that sort of thing...

-I'm really worried that volunteering, chemistry lab, mets games, and video games are going to cut into my layin around time...oh wait I can watch Mets games and lie down at the same time...genius...

 

-You know how sometimes you think its 8:00 when its 7:00, or tuesday when its monday...well I have that moments too...except I thought it was August instead of July, it wasn't even close to being August...at least I didn't think it was 2007.


-Did you know that...
1) The only thing that travels faster than the speed of light is gossip?
2) DAP stands for People Against Dyslexia.
3) For a chemist or science student, low yeild= bad day?
4) Super-fasting is a term used by Muslims who are in denial about thier eating disorder?
5) The only thing necessary to be intelligent is a room full of idiots?

-My friend sensitively cursing me out-
EmeraldKnight86 (1:50:49 AM): you son of a bitch (no offense to your mother)

-My laziness reached new hieghts when I bought a 3 Musketers bar instead of a Snickers bar becasue it was easier to chew...


-Insert random implicit joke about inserting random jokes, song quotes, and cliches into your profile, which ironically in itself makes the joke a cliche...here...(<---- I'm not sure if this made perfect sense, but I'm sure you're all smart enough to figure out what I'm talking about)...(<----see what I did there...I generally complemented all of you so that those of you who have those "insert joke/song here" things in you profile don't get mad at me for mocking you a bit...)

-OMG I'm such an idiot..you know how sometimes you might try to lip read people on tv if the tv is on mute, like on the moniters in time square... well I tried to do that with freaking cartoons...and it took me a good 20 seconds to realize why I was having so much trouble...

 


Saturday, April 15, 2006

Facebook jokes From the demented mind of Usaid Hasan...

(I’m planning to make the following part of my act when I do standup comedy one-day...hopefully soon...you can either read it now or wait for the live version)

lead in joke ...oh stop your applause...you people don’t really know if I’m going to be funny yet...your applause are more meaningless and insincere than birthday wishes on facebook...

Facebook is a tripy thing man...it is like your connected to everyone 24/7...you can’t get away...

Think about it...before I joined facebook I was just a normal college student adjusting to growing up moving on...you know letting go of the past and having new experiences....then I join facebook and all of a sudden my entire kindergarten class wants to be my friend again...which is funny cause they weren’t my friends in kindergarten.

And honestly...anyone can be your friend on Facebook...I mean I’m surfing...and then I come across the this guys profile...I’m like... "hey its that guy who use to beat me up and make me eat crayons.".....add to friends...

Yea but the rules are different on Facebook...like poking...I don’t get it...what the hell is it?...you log on..and you see...oh I’ve been poked....I don’t know it just makes me feel dirty being poked by random people...but on facebook its ok...but try doing that in real life...just go up to them and just be like...poke...the other person would be like..."what the hell did you just do?"..."oh hehe, I just poked you"...the guy will rip off your fingers..."AHHHH what did YOU JUST DO!!!!?"... "oh hehe, I just ripped off your fingers."...but that wont happen on Facebook...you’ll just get poked back is all...cause the rules are different...

But u know because the rules are different there a lot of hypocrisy on facebook... I mean like u could totally hate someone or just find them annoying...and you’ll totally avoid them in person...but on facebook you’ll have like 5 comments on each others walls...in your profile it says your in an open relationship with them and all that shit...I mean in real life you’ll be talking shit about them...like "oh that ho’s good for nothing and she...oh Hiiii!!!...we were just talking about you...oh...um we were just saying how much we like u new facebook picture...yea u look really cute"...then soon as she walks away... "god that picture is sooooo ugly"....but then you’ll post on her wall "OHH you look so cute...haha... I heart U <3..."

Another thing is that I see people that are part of these groups...and that’s fine and all...but then there will be like people who are in religious groups like Muslim student association...and I love Jesus group and all that...and then one row down u see that they’re in the group... "crazy sexy stony brook bitches"...and all that shit....yea and the guys too...cause on a guys wall there will be like a religious post...about how god is great and prayer and all that...and then the next post would be...."you’ve been hit by the faggot train...u must post this on 10 other faggots walls or u will be a faggot for life"...its crazy...it hypocritical...I love it...

And you know now they are gonna let high school kids on Facebook...I’m not sure how I feel about that...cause you know they already have MySpace and all those websites...but I guess its only fair that high school kids be let on to Facebook...I mean why should 40 year old men have all the fun...college guys should be able to stalk and prey upon 14 year old girls too...

But you know those girls are asking for it...if saying that makes me a bad guy so be it...but they are...you know I heard that myspace has a virus now...just like half of the girls on myspace it has a virus...I mean it was inevitable....

Move on to jokes about terrorism...



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